HW.2 Breaking up:Are you sure?

Questions are the first things that people do to their self before having decisions.Life is full of mystery. You can't predict what will happen to you in a day. But you have a choice to choose what you want. Life is not unfair because even if it gives unpredictable things. It still give you a time to choose.

In breaking up with someone you have reasons and causes which gives effect to you until you arrive at the final decision. But have you ever ask yourself or think many times why you have to do that?

I  read this article about Before the Breakup: 9 Questions to ask Yourself by eHarmony Staff. It was found in the website of www.eHarmony.com. In this site, it discuss questions that a person ask his/her self before breaking up with someone. It is about her own reasons or about her partner.This article also shows that a person who is thinking or deciding to have a break up is thinking his decision many times.In reading the article I found 9 questions about breaking up. And those questions are:

1. Am I just angry?

• Are you just angry? answering yourself with this question will make you realize if your are making the right decision or not. Emotion is part of a relationship and being angry is a feeling which was felt by one or both of you. If you are making yourself a decision of breaking up because of this feeling. You have to ask yourself.

1.  Can we work it out?

• "Do I want to work it out?" is the other question that you should ask to yourself. Can we work it out will not help you to solve or to get the right decision if you cant answer the question if do you want to work it out. In this questions, you will think of the possibilities that working or not working will happen to your relationship.

1. Am I jumping to conclusions?

• According to the article"When times get tough, it’s easy for the mind to drift to fantasyland. Don’t get caught up in the “grass is greener” games, concluding that life will be better once you re-enter the land of singleness. Don’t assume your current state of unhappiness is solely the fault of the relationship." 

1. Did I communicate openly about what I need?

• This question is about being honest. Did you really told your partner what you want or your expectations?. In this case, maybe you want to break up because what you wanted was not happen. But did he/she know about it?

1. How will my world change when we split?

• Enter in a relationship which you and partner are involve in your life. Most of things happen to you was know by him or you are with him. But when you decide to break up, Are you ready for this? Are you ready for the change in your world.And in this question what maybe the changes the will happen and do you want it or are you ready.

1. Will I regret ending the relationship?

• "As you’re considering the consequences of breaking up, ask yourself if ending the relationship will be something you’ll ultimately regret. Deep down, do you believe you’re giving up too quickly? Do you still believe, deep down, that he’s “the one”? No one wants a “one that got away.” 

• Regret is like feeling bad. In this question,You will ask yourself if breaking up with your partner is the best decision. Of course having this decision you will know that you will hurt your partner.  

1. Is initiating a breakup just playing a game?

• Most of the relationship you breaking up as a threat which will make there partner sorry for them. But having this threat will not make your relationship closer. Don't use breaking up as a game. It is not good when you are playing emotions.

1. Is anyone influencing my decision to end the relationship?

• Is there someone influencing your decision? We can't avoid that there are people who are involve in your relationship and we can't know if all of them are Team Together or Team Break up. In this question, you should analyze the things that people say about your relationship or your partner if it is true or it is just a motive or selfish opinion.

1. Have I given this relationship my best shot?

• For me, This is the most important question that you should ask your self.  In a relationship, both of you should give your best to make your relationship work. And when you are going or experiencing a problems which maybe will lead you to break up. You should ask yourself if have you give all your best to make it work.

Breaking up is not a easy decision because if will give a big effect your life and your partner. And that effect will not only temporary but it may also affect your lifetime. So when you are planning to do it make sure that questions was answered and you and your heart was ready for the result.

HW1: Survey Questions

        Breaking up is decision which people who are in a relationship decide for some reasons. It gives different feeling to both people involve in it. Reasons of Men and Women are the causes why breaking up was choose. In making this paper, I found out that breaking up has different aspects with regards to age, gender, causes and effects, reasons and so on.

            

     Doing this research about breaking up, I found out that reading articles and searching in internet is not enough to make this paper reliable. I find it hard to know the number of people who do the things that I discussed in my blogs in real life and situation. So I came up to survey questions to found out how many people experience break up and what age bracket does break up most happen. Who most decide the break up, is it the boy, girl or both of them. I would like to know also where an individual most open up there breaking up problems, Is it to their friends, family or others. And I would like to know the things that they do to overcome a break up.

     Having this survey questions, it will answer the questions that the readers of my paper will ask. I will give them reliable sources from true experience because of the answers. I will make the readers know the things and opinions that most people do and have there decisions and came to there own opinion depending on the results that will arrive on my paper.

Teenage Break up: What are the effects

Entering in a relationship is a serious matter. It takes two people who have the capacity and knowledge in entering in a relationship, or people that in the right age o decide for that serious matter. But in today's generation, many teenagers enter in a relationship.It maybe because of technology or influence of friends. And those teenagers experience many situations when they are in a relationship. But what will happen if a teenager experience break up?What are the effects of it?

I was found this article about The Effects of Teenage Break Up by Jae Ireland. In this article, It discuss the different effects of break up that teenagers experience. It discuss the reactions and the feelings that a teenager feels in that stage. The effects that was stated in the following are follows:

PHYSICAL SIGNS

  -According to Jae "Your teen may not be able to eat immediately following a breakup and may deal with the breakup in other physical ways."

Breaking up will affect the physical activities of a teenager. Maybe because of loneliness and feeling of alone because when they are in a relationship part of their physical activities was done with here girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe those physical activities reminds him/her the memories. But not all are like that, because of break up they change their physical  appearance better than before.

For girls, The physical change that they do is at first they will change their look or may be change her hair or by taking care of their physical appearance the way they did before.For Boys, They may go harder to gym.

WITHDRAWAL FROM ACTIVITIES

Some teens will withdraw for there activity that they did before especially when it reminds them about the break up, and because of that not only the memories they will what to escape but they will miss all the activities that they supposed to do with their friends.

EMBARRASSMENT

According to the article "If your teen has suffered an especially public breakup, he may feel embarrassed about the situation and not want to go to school or socialize with friends who know about it. You'll need to watch this embarrassment carefully, as it may cause him to become more introverted and not want to talk about the situation, which means you'll have a harder time deciphering what he is thinking and feeling following the breakup."

When a teen suffers from a public break up, it affects his/her social life.When someone is looking to him with his notice,he will think that they are talking about what happen to him. So the teen will be careful and avoid talking about what happen because he/she is suffering from the traumatic break up.

DEPRESSION

Depression is the combination of all the negative effects, not eating, sleeping,withdrawal from activities and many more. In this kind of effects, in will give bad outcome or effects.So a teenager suffering from it should bring to the experts like psychologist or doctors for the faster recovery of Him/Her by consultations.

SOLIDIFIED RELATIONSHIPS

 Not all break up has a negative effect, Sometimes break up will solidified relationship. Because of loneliness and you need someone to talk to. You say what you feel to your friends or or family because of your trust.And that situation, you will feel okay and comfortable to the ones you talked to,

Breaking up has its good and bad effects especially to teenagers who are young for that experience. But in the end, Break up should be a good effect to someone, because it will make you strong and believe more that there is really someone destined for you because God is removing someone in your life for you to find the right one.

Breaking up:Painless ways to broke up with your Girlfriends

When I was still in a relationship with my boyfriend before I ask him, "Would you break up with me if you know that we have a problem and we can't handle it anymore?"He answered,"No I won't,because I respect you as a girl and for me I will just wait that you will the one who decide to end our relationship."This answer from him makes me think that,"Is all men think the way like that?"Because most of relationships that I hear from my friends, The guys are the one who chose to broke up.

I read this article about the How to break up with a girlfriend in 5 painless steps. by Scott Paterson.
In this article, it indicates ways of breaking up with your girlfriend in painless ways, According to him, this are the ways of breaking up.

1.Be prepared for a little drama
  -According to Scott"Nobody likes being told that they're "not good enough" for a relationship- especially women. When you break up with your girlfriend, you should expect a wide range of emotions. This can include tears, anger or even happiness."

Women are very emotional and guys don't like that.So when you are breaking up with your girlfriend you should be prepared for the dramas and emotions that she may have and know how to handle it.

2.Let her be the first one to know

-Just what I have said in my other blog, No one wants to know something about their partner in others, So boys, We know that you are not that expressive but at least make your girlfriend be the first to know. That way you show her that you respect her.

3.Find a neutral and secluded spot
-"One of the worst places to break up with a woman is at a house or in a public place like a restaurant. "

As what I have said before, girls are very dramatic and sometimes they can't control their emotions especially the tears.So when you are planing to broke up with your girlfriend, find a place which is silent and at least you have a privacy that even she will have drama, at least no one sees it.

4.Keep it short and simple

-According to the article"When you break up with your girlfriend, don't give her a laundry list of everything that she does wrong. Just remember that she could make another guy really happy with her particular personality. So don't give her any "emotional baggage" by listing all her faults."

Telling all her faults and make her realize that it is her fault why you want to break up is not a good idea, When your breaking up with your girlfriend, Just be simple and straight to the point, Maybe tell her the main reason r problem so that she will be aware of it and then make your decision.In that way all will be clear.

5.Be Strong

"you'll probably be faced with a wide range of emotions. It's human nature to try to comfort people when they're upset. This is especially true when you see a woman in pain.'

In reality, when we know someone is hurt and especially we are the one who caused it, we wanted to comfort her. But comforting her will make her have hopes again that you will be okay. It will be hard for you to just don't mind it but at least try to control yourself. Time will come you will be given a chance to talk to her when you now that she's already okay.

Breaking up with a girl would maybe a bad feeling for a guy, But it doesn't mean that because you are afraid of getting her hurt you will just let the things go and wait the time that she will decide even you don't like it anymore. Being honest to your feeling will make her realize that you still love her truly, You are a human and you have that right to decide for yourself even if it hurt others

Breaking up:How can I do that gently?

"Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do"....

It was a famous line from the song Breaking up is hard to do by Neil Sedaka. This song is famous because it was mostly sung in videoke and because of this tone which is to memorize and remember. But have you really wonder if really breaking up is hard to do?

We know that in breaking up one is hurt and one is happy or maybe both are hurt.We can't avoid that when we have to decide something not all will be happy. There are still people that will be sad. Just like breaking up, you don't have to push yourself to forget doing it because you are afraid of getting someone hurt.

Because of curiosity, I researched about ways of breaking up with someone and what I found is more than what I expected. I read this article about Gentle ways of breaking up with a guy in the website of cupidblogger.com. And Yes breaking up with a guy. So it focuses on how a women will break up a guy in a gentle way.

In this article I found 8 ways of breaking up with a guy

1.Don’t leave opened doors

      -According to the article "When breaking the news to a guy that it is over, be crystal clear that it is absolutely O-V-E-R.  It may seem nice to offer the possibility that one day in the future, you two will find your way back into each other’s arms, but this gives the poor fella false hope.  And with false hope come drunken calls at 3am, asking if you are ready to take him back yet.  So be kind and make it clear to them that they need to move on." 

We know that breaking with someone is hard to do, but it is more painful to the one who was broken up.We don't know what will happen in the future, but according to what the article says, at least give him a hope that someday you will find yourself again in each others arms. It will may be a false hope but at least you will lessen the pain that he will feel.But when he is still pushing that you should come back together, then its the time to make him really realize that you have to do that.

2. Don’t let him be the last to know
     -"Sure, talking through your feelings with a friend can be helpful when working up the courage to break up, but try to limit yourself to how many people heard the test-run of your dumping speech.  Eventually someone is going to blab… and when he finds out from someone other than you, he’ll feel more devastated and very much humiliated."

We know,Girls are very expressive. If there is something in their mind that at least one of her friend knows it. And like breaking up, girls will seek advice from his friends and tell the reasons why she want to break up with her boyfriend. But make sure that the persons that you entrust to say all about your plan will not let it known to others and especially to your boyfriend. Because he will feel hurt when he knew something happening in your relationship from others. It will be hard but at least make it sure that you will be the one who will tell everything, not others.

3.Don’t use gadgets
 - Because of technology, it makes the people in a relationship easy to communicate with their love ones, But in breaking up? It is not good to use your gadgets in breaking up with your boyfriend. He loves you truly and therefore respect it. At least give him a formal break up without hiding from you cellular phones and laptops.You have the courage to answer him with a yes and agree in entering in a relationship, have also courage to end it in personal.

4.Don’t over react
 -According to the article" If you are to break up because you are angry about something, express yourself.  But remember that you are not a victim.  You can come and go as you please, and you are.  If you are angry, chances are you are mad at yourself for not seeing who this person was earlier, or for not trusting your own instincts."

We may be mad when we are breaking up because of what he does that gives you that decision, but at least make yourself out of it in front, you may tell what you really feel but control your feelings.Don't over react.

5.Don’t fake excuses
  -Breaking u has its reason, a real reason. We know that making at least the reason light will lessen the feelings. But making false reasons will make a big problem.You know that you will hurt him but at least tel him the truth.Truth may hurt, but that makes him easily to get over and accept what you have decided.

6. Don’t linger too long
  -In this ways, Its just say that don't make it to long, don't put other words that make the conversation longer.Breaking up is a painful feeling and you seeing that someone hurting in front of you is painful too.So when your breaking up with your boyfriend, you should be straight to the point.Tell the main problem and go to your decision.

7. Don’t be part of the drama
 -"A guy with wounded pride and hurt feelings can get verbally abusive, so try to calm the situation with silence.  Don’t engage with him, just listen, be quiet and don’t respond.  Don’t fuel the fire by defending yourself.  Let him get it all out, and then leave."

  Of course a guy would also tell what he feels about the decision, And maybe he will get mad or make drama, and the thing you can do is just listen, make him release what is in him.

8.Don’t hover the break up
  -You decided the break up but you still cares what he feels right now and you wanted to comfort him. And that is not good. You should avoid thinking of that and do other things like talking with your friends or watch movie. Because if you are trying to talk with him again just to comfort him, you are giving him a hope that you would be okay again.

Its bad to hear that there are ways of planing in breaking up with your boyfriend.But what I have learn is,This  ways really help a lot. This will make the women control herself and act the way it should be.We know that we could not tell what will happen when were breaking up, but at least you have an idea what to do.

Introduction (Chapter 1)- Final

 Love and Relationship: Breaking Up

A Research Paper Presented to

Mr. Dustin Celestino of The English Resource Center

Asia Pacific College

Magallanes,Makati

In Partial Fulfillment

Of requirements of the course

RESWRIT-Research Writing

Rojanie Joy A. Roda

October 2012

Chapter I

INTRODUCTION

A.Background of the Study

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish. The good news is that with effort and perseverance, you canlearn what you need to know to make your relationship last.( http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationships )

People tend to see their partner as their inspiration in life. The feeling of love makes someone they have to give the best that they can in everything they do to make their special someone proud. But the reality is love between two people does not always have a happy ending. There are many circumstances that may happen to make a relationship not work.

The courage of two people is taken to make the relationship. Trust and love by both people involve was also taken to make a good relationship. But in the reality of life, all relationships will go through problems. Every person must be ready to face and overcome circumstances.But not all problems can be solve and work again, some   times that solution that make everyone okay is to separate ways.

A relationship breakup, often referred to simply as a breakup, is the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death. The act is commonly termed "dumping someone" in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce. When a couple engaged to be married breaks up, it is typically called a "broken engagement.( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_breakup)

Breaking up is part of having a relationship. It was believed to be the most painful part of a relationship which gives a different feeling to the people involve and experience it. It affects not only the persons involve but also others.

In spite of difficulties of studying break up. Breaking up was known to be the hardest part of a relationship. Distrust,Differences,Boredom and loss of love were the causes why breaking up happen.Types of breaking up like Mutual break up was discovered while making this paper.Point of views of Men and Women was also researched and discuss in terms of the reasons why breaking up was decided.

`     Instead of dealing with the whole process of love and relationship, this paper will focus on after the love and relationship which is breaking up and the ways how to overcome break up.

B. Statement of the Problem

   This study aims to answer the question:

1.      What are the ways to overcome from break up?

C.Significance of the Study

Women. This research paper would be able to help women who are entering in a relationship and suffering break up in understanding why they are going through this and how to overcome it. It would also help them to understand the point of view of men in this situation.

Men. This research paper would be able to help men who are entering in a relationship and suffering break up in understanding why they are going through break up and how to overcome it. It will also help them to understand the point of view of women and what is his role in breaking up.

Teenagers. Teenagers would benefit from this paper because in this generation there are younger teenagers who wanted to enter in a relationship without their knowledge.This paper would help them to understand the possible things that they may feel or happen when they are not ready in entering in a relationship.

Parents. Parents will benefit from this paper especially those parents of the first timers who will enter in a relationship and suffer break up. This paper would help them to understand and know reasons in today’s generation why couples break up.

D.Scope and Delimitation

            This study focuses on phase love and relationship which is breaking up. Breaking up is considered part of relationship in terms of ending or separating where in positive and negative effects that it will give to the persons involve.

            In this study, The focus of the topic is from the break up,its causes,reasons,effects and ways to overcome.This will emphasis with the people who are involved and the positive and negative effects of break up and after break up.    

E. Materials and Methods.

            This paper will use materials and methods which will make this research paper possible., Articles from internet is used as materials. This paper will also use movies and movie reviews of stories relating to the topic. Interviews and surveys from different ages may also used to help the information more real.

           

F.Definition of Terms:

Love. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

          a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love)

Relationship. the state of being connected or related

(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/relationship)

Woman. An adult female human.

(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/woman)

Man. an individual human; especially : an adult male human

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/man)

Break up. an act or instance of breaking up

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/breakup)

Outline

Original Topic:Love and Relationship: Breaking Up

Specific Topic:Discuss the  beginning and the soloutions in breaking up.

I.                    Introduction

A.      Background of the Study

B.      Statement of the Problem

C.      Significance of the Study

1. Women

2. Men

3. Teenagers

4. Parents

D.      Scope and Delimitation

E.       Materials and Methods

F.       Definition of Terms

II.                  Discussion

A.      Definition of Breaking Up

B.      Causes of Break Up

1. Distrust

2. Differences

3. Boredom

4. Loss of Love

C.       Types of Break Up

1.  The Mutual Break Up

2. The Abusive Relationship Break Up

3. He Left You

4. You Left Him

D.      Reasons why men broke up with women

1. Women don’t listen

2. Women listen to their friends too much

3. The relationship is not a family affair

4. We’re not joined at a hip

5. Is this a relationship or a prison sentence?

6. Independence

7. Too Dependent

8. Don't you ever have anything nice to say?

9. There’s no future in the past

10.                     Maybe his friends won't be your friends, but don't dog them out, either

E.       Reasons why women broke up with men

F.       What break up affects

G.     Ways in breaking up

1. Ways of Girl breaking up with the guy

2. Ways of the Guy breaking up with the girl

H.      Rethinking after breaking up

1. Good Reasons

2. Bad Reasons

I.        Moving on

J.        Reasons why to overcome from break up

K.      Ways to overcome from break up

III.                Summary, Conclusions and Recommendations

A.      Summary

B.      Conclusions

C.      Recommendations

IV.                References

Breaking up: How it affects our Physical and Emotional Health

I've always wonder why is it hurt when someone leaves you or you choose to leave someone. When I wake up one morning from a dream. It makes me confuse why I still dreaming of my ex with happy moments that we used to share before. I was really hard for me to still remember it all especially when I really wanted now is to move on.

In this kind of feeling, I came up of making this blog post about the affect of breaking up in individuals physical and emotional health. As we all know breaking up makes your heart being destroyed that you can't deny the pain but you won't notice that it affects also your physical health.

I read this article about  Why a Relationship Breakup Affects Your Physical and Emotional Health by an anonymous author. In this article it discuss emotional stress,Physical Stress and how to cope up with it.
It was said that emotional stress is more harmful than physical stress.

According to the article"A relationship breakup affects people in different ways. Emotional stress is usually one of the most common side affects that a person experiences that can take a toll on one's emotional health. A relationship breakup, as discussed earlier is almost like losing a loved one to death."

On my opinion, Emotional stress is one of the biggest circumstances that a person could experience in his life while in the stage of breaking up. Having this kind of feeling is came from the suddenly loss of someone you think that will always there for you. As what the author of the articles says its like the feeling of losing someone you love because of death.You may feel being alone or worst is being dump and not important. But like losing someone because of death. Time will come you will get over it.

"Emotional stress not only affects a person's emotional health but it can affect the person's physical health as well. A relationship breakup can result in drastic weight loss, hair loss, insomnia, and can even raise stress hormones. Emotional stress raises stress hormones which result in changes of a body's immune system, digestive system, cardiac system, and other body functions. "

As what have been said in the article, Physical stress happens because of emotional stress that person feels.It leads to losing of weight, lack of sleep,or may be you look so problematic that you can't even make yourself presentable. What persons feel reflects in his physical appearance.

According to the article"When a relationship breakup is greatly affecting an individual's emotional health and the emotional stress is unbearable, the individual should seek treatment from a psychologist or counselor. Psychologists and counselors are trained professionals that can assist an individual with the emotional stress that occurs with a relationship breakup."

Breaking up is a problem, and every problem has its solution. Emotional Stress and Physical Stress can be cured by yourself by saying that yourself that you was born in this world without him/her then you can live again even without him/her anymore. But when you can't handle it anymore, it's time to seek experts. He/She maybe don't know what exactly happens but he/she my help you in analyzing or how to start dealing with it.

Breaking up is something which make someone weak. It hurts you in the start and make you feel that its the end. But when you overcome it. breaking up will make you strong and it is the start of everything and make you closer to the one destined to you.